Rahul Gandhi and famous dialogues

10 famous Bollywood dialogues that Rahul Gandhi seems to express but goofs.. or so it appears! Wily or willy.. You decide

•  When you get laughed at:

'Hason toh saari duniya hasti hai tumhare pe!'

The poor guy fumbled between ‘saath’ and ‘pe’.

•  When you are asked questions at a journalists’ meet:

'Tumhari yeh mashaal!' (I think he meant majaal!)

He loves to use this symbol.. err.. I mean gesture! But I interpret it as 'keep your midnight oil burning, my friend!'

• When mamma yells at you:

'Mi Lordess, main begunha hoon!'

Lordess??? Seriously??? I think he just invented it only for his MOM

• When you get blamed

'Mujhe qasoorwar thehrane se pehle jao unki sign le ao jinhone yeh ghinauni harqat ki hai!'

As if! Haa

• When someone else is praised

'Arre uski kya aukaad.. woh toh ek khachchar hai khachchar jise main kabhi bhi tho kar sakta hoon!'

Err.. mmm.. ya.. right.

• When someone accuses your family

'Kutte kamine main tera khoon pee gaya!' (Goofed up the tense.. it’s ok.. he is forgiven!)

I’d told the bloody media I wanted more publicity than the rest..  

• When you are surrounded by angry creditors

'Main haath jodkar aapse barfi mangta hoon.. mujhe barf kar dena..' (Won’t we just love to do the latter!)

But I cannot return your money! I was hungry..

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• When  people talk about justice

'Uparwale ke ghar mein der hai... andar nahi.'.(I think he meant dher hai andher nahi? He is too clever)

Justice will always be delayed

• When someone doubts your qualifications

'Yeh kahan mazzak hai?' (Did he actually mean kya?? I am confused!)

Everyone knows I have done Masters in Corrupt Practices

• When you are surrounded by poor people

'Jeene ke liye aakhir kya chahiye? Bas ek jhooti kasam!' (Err.. mutthi aasmaan?)

And Food Security Bill!

Petrol Prices and the Common Man

Why Mr. Oily and Miss Salary cannot see eye to eye

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• Mr. Oily is a super rich high-flying oil barrel, err, I mean, oil baron whose  idea of fun is playing yo-yo with the economies of the world whereas Miss Salary is a dainty, mild-mannered Indian lady who loves to play kho-kho.

•  Mr. Oily’s investment strategy is based on one commodity - liquid gold. Miss Salary’s investment strategy is also based on one commodity - Rupee.

• Mr. Oily is slick. He makes sure that he is in demand everywhere whereas Miss Salary with her Indian values is shy. She hates hobnobbing with the general public and has her own limited circle of the lucky few.

• The dollar suits Mr. Oily beautifully whereas Miss Salary is allergic to it.

• Mr. Oily is very sensitive. The minute he is offended he acts pricey whereas Miss Salary does not let anything interfere in her line of duty.

• Behind Mr. Oily stands the Big Brother and behind Miss Salary stands the Big Boss.

• Mr. Oily claims to be the most eligible bachelor globally. Miss Salary sees herself as the most elusive Indian beauty.

Indian political dance

                                           Candi dates or hates Gandhi?

So why doesn’t Candi date Gandhi? – Here are some possibilities:

• Because Gandhi is not worthy of her? After all she is known to love older men.. err, much older..

• Because Gandhi does not go on blind dates? What if Candi wins him over and makes him PM, I mean Pro-Marriage

• Because Gandhi is scared of her? Everyone male wants to date Candi who is known to bring out the ‘killer instincts’ in men who are desirous of her and women who are jealous of her

• Because Gandhi knows that there is strong Opposition? Opposition from Home (Gandhi’s mother is overprotective) and Opposition from rival suitors.

• Because Gandhi knows there is a strong Competitor? As we know Candi loves older men.. there is this strong competition from a certain white-haired, white-bearded gentlemen claiming to be the Father of Gujarat

• Because Gandhi despises her? Gandhi hates the fact that Candi prefers a wrinkled bearded face to his sweet innocent one

• Because Gandhi is impotent? Gandhi is scared his secret will be out

• Because Gandhi prefers Cand and not Candi? Black Money Cand, Coal Cand, Telecom Cand, Chopper Cand..

Speech of Mr. Rithvi Pan Vachan at a Corruption Conclave:

Oh god! I am running late already.. I didn’t realise when I fell asleep… These secretaries also give me so much to read!! I was awake till 4 am in the morning just reading reading reading!!! Btw, I missed the last page of Archie Comics.. Archie finally marries Betty or Veronica?

I have to go to deliver an important speech at the ‘Propagation of Corrupt Practices’ meet. I had to reach at 10 am!! I am late, I am late!!

Where is my speech? Did my secretary put it in my bag? I will have to read it.. I am not at all spontaneous.. Oh!! Here it is. I must remember to thank Paji Pawar for writing this for me.. After all he is the best in this field. He is very intelligent in all such matters... He would have attended this event instead of me but he is away at the ‘dam(n)’ new project in Pune. Such a hard worker!! ‘Poor’ thing..

  

At the venue, after the felicitation:

Paji was right! The house is packed..

Reading the speech: “First of all I apologise for keeping you waiting. But there is a lesson in that: Those who are made to wait take the bait.”

Laughter in the auditorium…

“Today I am really honoured to address a houseful audience consisting of such eminent personalities. It is heartening to see that all of you look up to my party for innovative ideas in corrupt practices. 

The best way to propagate corruption is to do it every day, repeatedly, day in and day out, tirelessly, without any rest. It is a thankless job but someone has to do it! You have to sacrifice your conscience, your sleep, your family, and at times even your Swiss bank accounts but make sure that you persevere in your efforts. 

The best way to get to the top of the pyramid is to aim big and try to set newer records of corruption. The sooner the media gets whiff of it, the better it is for you. The best part is that you get free publicity and everyone will talk about you for some days. You become famous. But the trick is to keep your own mouth shut. Eventually the citizens will move on to other stuff. 

Don’t be a fool and offer to resign! No… that’s the worst you can do. It is like killing the golden egg-laying hen. As long as you are under the wings of Sonu and Manu, who are highly senior, influential and experienced members of the APU, nothing can stop you from applying your best practices of corruption. They are very encouraging. 

But beware, if you rub them the wrong way then you will end up languishing in jail. The corruption investigation agency’s head Mr. Popat, is a kind man and indebted to Sonu. He only does what she says. Such a good man and also keeps his word. 

Today, the economic policies adopted by the APU provide an excellent environment for practicing the best forms of corruption. Globalisation has helped to carry it beyond borders and earn in dollars!! That is the aim behind the falling rupee. FDI brings us the much more stable dollar so who cares about the rupee??

I end my speech on the note that Gandhiji said “Always aim for harmony of thought, word and deed” and we are great followers of Gandhiji. 

Jai Maharashtra!

Simple Trading Strategies in the Indian Stock Market

Hey there fellow stock market fans,

I know like cricket, the Indian stock market team is also on a loosing streak! And guess what we are not out of the woods yet. As a market survivor, with a been there, done that painful experience, my gut and my technical analysis says that the stats have stacked up so much in the negative that a positive run of 2 days does not mean that the bulls are here. So I have to do small trades very very carefully! 

I didn't trade at all today. As you can see in the above daily chart, the market closed today between its short-term and medium-term price average on the positive side at 5550. The crucial level is around 5580. Why? Because it so happens that the short-term price average of the weekly chart (see below) and the medium-term price average of the daily chart is almost the same.. 5575 and 5578..

So what I am going to do is wait it out tomorrow.. If the market closes above 5580 tomorrow itself, that's a great indication to pick up one 5600 call at the end of the day just before closing only to sell it immediately the next day. Because I know that market is not out of the woods yet! And if it closes in the negative, well, that is what I am waiting for and will willingly pick up a put of 5500 or even sell one Nifty and wait for the money to roll in! :)

Ciao,
See you guys tomorrow!