Rahul Gandhi and famous dialogues

10 famous Bollywood dialogues that Rahul Gandhi seems to express but goofs.. or so it appears! Wily or willy.. You decide

•  When you get laughed at:

'Hason toh saari duniya hasti hai tumhare pe!'

The poor guy fumbled between ‘saath’ and ‘pe’.

•  When you are asked questions at a journalists’ meet:

'Tumhari yeh mashaal!' (I think he meant majaal!)

He loves to use this symbol.. err.. I mean gesture! But I interpret it as 'keep your midnight oil burning, my friend!'

• When mamma yells at you:

'Mi Lordess, main begunha hoon!'

Lordess??? Seriously??? I think he just invented it only for his MOM

• When you get blamed

'Mujhe qasoorwar thehrane se pehle jao unki sign le ao jinhone yeh ghinauni harqat ki hai!'

As if! Haa

• When someone else is praised

'Arre uski kya aukaad.. woh toh ek khachchar hai khachchar jise main kabhi bhi tho kar sakta hoon!'

Err.. mmm.. ya.. right.

• When someone accuses your family

'Kutte kamine main tera khoon pee gaya!' (Goofed up the tense.. it’s ok.. he is forgiven!)

I’d told the bloody media I wanted more publicity than the rest..  

• When you are surrounded by angry creditors

'Main haath jodkar aapse barfi mangta hoon.. mujhe barf kar dena..' (Won’t we just love to do the latter!)

But I cannot return your money! I was hungry..

·          

• When  people talk about justice

'Uparwale ke ghar mein der hai... andar nahi.'.(I think he meant dher hai andher nahi? He is too clever)

Justice will always be delayed

• When someone doubts your qualifications

'Yeh kahan mazzak hai?' (Did he actually mean kya?? I am confused!)

Everyone knows I have done Masters in Corrupt Practices

• When you are surrounded by poor people

'Jeene ke liye aakhir kya chahiye? Bas ek jhooti kasam!' (Err.. mutthi aasmaan?)

And Food Security Bill!

Petrol Prices and the Common Man

Why Mr. Oily and Miss Salary cannot see eye to eye

·          

• Mr. Oily is a super rich high-flying oil barrel, err, I mean, oil baron whose  idea of fun is playing yo-yo with the economies of the world whereas Miss Salary is a dainty, mild-mannered Indian lady who loves to play kho-kho.

•  Mr. Oily’s investment strategy is based on one commodity - liquid gold. Miss Salary’s investment strategy is also based on one commodity - Rupee.

• Mr. Oily is slick. He makes sure that he is in demand everywhere whereas Miss Salary with her Indian values is shy. She hates hobnobbing with the general public and has her own limited circle of the lucky few.

• The dollar suits Mr. Oily beautifully whereas Miss Salary is allergic to it.

• Mr. Oily is very sensitive. The minute he is offended he acts pricey whereas Miss Salary does not let anything interfere in her line of duty.

• Behind Mr. Oily stands the Big Brother and behind Miss Salary stands the Big Boss.

• Mr. Oily claims to be the most eligible bachelor globally. Miss Salary sees herself as the most elusive Indian beauty.

Indian political dance

                                           Candi dates or hates Gandhi?

So why doesn’t Candi date Gandhi? – Here are some possibilities:

• Because Gandhi is not worthy of her? After all she is known to love older men.. err, much older..

• Because Gandhi does not go on blind dates? What if Candi wins him over and makes him PM, I mean Pro-Marriage

• Because Gandhi is scared of her? Everyone male wants to date Candi who is known to bring out the ‘killer instincts’ in men who are desirous of her and women who are jealous of her

• Because Gandhi knows that there is strong Opposition? Opposition from Home (Gandhi’s mother is overprotective) and Opposition from rival suitors.

• Because Gandhi knows there is a strong Competitor? As we know Candi loves older men.. there is this strong competition from a certain white-haired, white-bearded gentlemen claiming to be the Father of Gujarat

• Because Gandhi despises her? Gandhi hates the fact that Candi prefers a wrinkled bearded face to his sweet innocent one

• Because Gandhi is impotent? Gandhi is scared his secret will be out

• Because Gandhi prefers Cand and not Candi? Black Money Cand, Coal Cand, Telecom Cand, Chopper Cand..

Speech of Mr. Rithvi Pan Vachan at a Corruption Conclave:

Oh god! I am running late already.. I didn’t realise when I fell asleep… These secretaries also give me so much to read!! I was awake till 4 am in the morning just reading reading reading!!! Btw, I missed the last page of Archie Comics.. Archie finally marries Betty or Veronica?

I have to go to deliver an important speech at the ‘Propagation of Corrupt Practices’ meet. I had to reach at 10 am!! I am late, I am late!!

Where is my speech? Did my secretary put it in my bag? I will have to read it.. I am not at all spontaneous.. Oh!! Here it is. I must remember to thank Paji Pawar for writing this for me.. After all he is the best in this field. He is very intelligent in all such matters... He would have attended this event instead of me but he is away at the ‘dam(n)’ new project in Pune. Such a hard worker!! ‘Poor’ thing..

  

At the venue, after the felicitation:

Paji was right! The house is packed..

Reading the speech: “First of all I apologise for keeping you waiting. But there is a lesson in that: Those who are made to wait take the bait.”

Laughter in the auditorium…

“Today I am really honoured to address a houseful audience consisting of such eminent personalities. It is heartening to see that all of you look up to my party for innovative ideas in corrupt practices. 

The best way to propagate corruption is to do it every day, repeatedly, day in and day out, tirelessly, without any rest. It is a thankless job but someone has to do it! You have to sacrifice your conscience, your sleep, your family, and at times even your Swiss bank accounts but make sure that you persevere in your efforts. 

The best way to get to the top of the pyramid is to aim big and try to set newer records of corruption. The sooner the media gets whiff of it, the better it is for you. The best part is that you get free publicity and everyone will talk about you for some days. You become famous. But the trick is to keep your own mouth shut. Eventually the citizens will move on to other stuff. 

Don’t be a fool and offer to resign! No… that’s the worst you can do. It is like killing the golden egg-laying hen. As long as you are under the wings of Sonu and Manu, who are highly senior, influential and experienced members of the APU, nothing can stop you from applying your best practices of corruption. They are very encouraging. 

But beware, if you rub them the wrong way then you will end up languishing in jail. The corruption investigation agency’s head Mr. Popat, is a kind man and indebted to Sonu. He only does what she says. Such a good man and also keeps his word. 

Today, the economic policies adopted by the APU provide an excellent environment for practicing the best forms of corruption. Globalisation has helped to carry it beyond borders and earn in dollars!! That is the aim behind the falling rupee. FDI brings us the much more stable dollar so who cares about the rupee??

I end my speech on the note that Gandhiji said “Always aim for harmony of thought, word and deed” and we are great followers of Gandhiji. 

Jai Maharashtra!

Simple Trading Strategies in the Indian Stock Market

Hey there fellow stock market fans,

I know like cricket, the Indian stock market team is also on a loosing streak! And guess what we are not out of the woods yet. As a market survivor, with a been there, done that painful experience, my gut and my technical analysis says that the stats have stacked up so much in the negative that a positive run of 2 days does not mean that the bulls are here. So I have to do small trades very very carefully! 

I didn't trade at all today. As you can see in the above daily chart, the market closed today between its short-term and medium-term price average on the positive side at 5550. The crucial level is around 5580. Why? Because it so happens that the short-term price average of the weekly chart (see below) and the medium-term price average of the daily chart is almost the same.. 5575 and 5578..

So what I am going to do is wait it out tomorrow.. If the market closes above 5580 tomorrow itself, that's a great indication to pick up one 5600 call at the end of the day just before closing only to sell it immediately the next day. Because I know that market is not out of the woods yet! And if it closes in the negative, well, that is what I am waiting for and will willingly pick up a put of 5500 or even sell one Nifty and wait for the money to roll in! :)

Ciao,
See you guys tomorrow!

Craftgully.com is a cool crafts site

Hello there you wonderful people,

Just like any other eager mom I was skimming through Pinterest looking for some exciting craft ideas for my daughter, Saesha. She is in playschool and she had a project coming up (already!). One click led to another and I ended up stumbling upon http://www.craftgully.com/. I am really impressed with its appearance and the craft options available that appear simple and easy to use. I personally wanted to start something with a no-hassle tag as being a working mother it is really difficult to get into the nitty-gritties of a complex craft activity.. Oh that's just an excuse.. I suck at craft!

The site also presents its products in a simple and uncomplicated manner that is visually appealing. The prices are reasonable and there is free shipping for orders with a threshold of only Rs. 600/-. The best part is that they have a blog and a Facebook page that'll help me get to the other side of creation pretty smoothly!

I have ordered a few things like their quilling starter kit and a few flower making accessories.. I am thinking of having Saesha decorate some envelopes with the finished creations..

Hoping for the best! :)

Pretty, isn't it?

Do we really need all that furniture?

Life comes with excess baggage.. Literally! . A few days ago my friend Zina was trying to clean out her house. Her parents were coming for a visit and she wanted to create some space to accommodate them comfortably.. She asked for help and I obliged.. (Yes, obliged is the word!.. well agreeing to help out in house-cleaning is a big act of selflessness! :)). 

In the beginning of the task we decided that whatever she feels she needs to chuck out would go in one corner and then at the end of the mega-cleaning and rearranging session she would take a final call. So we attacked the house with a vengeance.. and gradually the dedicated corner was bursting to the capacity full of knick-knacks gathered over a period of 5 years that she was staying in Mumbai. 

Quite happy to have finally made that pile, she looked around the house and was surprised to see that her place actually had a good amount of space! We both felt that the rooms got literally lighter, airier and well.. roomier ..She was so delighted with the outcome of our task that she decided to treat me with a yummy cheesy pizza. As we were waiting for the order and chatting up, her eyes kept returning to the pile... Then in the middle of the conversation, she got up and picked out a rickety chair and exclaimed that she couldn't actually part with it as it was special to her - the first act of kindness that a neighbour had done by donating this chair to her at the beginning of her life in Mumbai! 

Behind the chair was a simple 4-legged multipurpose table which was immediately pulled out. She said she couldn't even think of parting with it as it was her grandmother's and she had especially got it delivered from her native town. Well it was put back in its rightful place... under a humungous pile of books that Zina had purchased, borrowed, received over time. Next came the little teapoy that she used to keep by her sofa covered in...dust! Gradually most of the things that she had earlier thought she can do without became absolute essentials for her afterwards. I got so mad at her for cheating me that I left without her freakin' pizza!
 
As I was driving back to my place consumed by murderous thoughts for Zina after all the hardwork we put in moving all that stuff and rearranging the furniture, it struck me..Isn't it exactly the same with emotional excess baggage too? We just can't let go... especially of stuff that has hurt us. We can recall every negative emotion that we have felt and refelt quite vividly. We clutter our mind and our hearts with the all-consuming "I should have done like this.. I should have done that.. I will now take my revenge like this..I will destroy him/ her like that.. Nobody loves me", etc...so much of negative thoughts, feelings and emotions! But we do not realise that all this wasted space can be used to make life easy, simple, hassle-free and above all HAPPY! 

I forgave my friend and went back to eat my pizza! See happy ending!

How to ensure safety while choosing a place to stay - especially for newcomers to the city..

Bombay or Mumbai was, is and will always be the city of dreams - the city where an idea either becomes gold or dust but both are sold, the city where night and day are just adjustments of light, the city where the perceived 'poor' are actually richer than their 'rich' counterparts (ask the 'poor' middle-class!!). Yet it's still not the same. There is a dangerous change.

Once upon a time, living in Bombay would mean envious looks from visitng cousins, bragging sessions, air of superirority , preferential treatment.. but all that is on the reverse track. The Bombay that I grew up in, where I could safely travel in the bus without my parents, where I could go for my morning cycling sessions with gay abandon, where I could trust a stranger to give me directions, is rapidly becoming a city of crime and criminals, a city of lawlessness and hopelessness, a city of might not right. Now, there are daylight robberies, rapes, frauds happening with alarming regularity. In such a situation, how do we protect ourselves?

Reading the above facts makes you morose, gives you a sense of helplessness, burdens you down with the harsh realities of life.. But all is not lost. Just by being a bit more aware, smart and friendly you can remain safe. That is why choosing the right neighbourhood, especially for single women, is a necessity even if it entails a bit of more hardwork.

- A perpetually busy area would definitely act as a deterrent to illegal activities. e.g. I live in a society which has a restaurant kitchen on the premises.. Since the restaurant shuts late, there are always people around and an extra watchman too! While the presence of the kitchen itself is a nuisance, I am thankful for the distant company that I have. Recently it was in the papers that crime is on the increase in hip Bandra, Juhu areas. Why are these areas an easy target? Because most of the appartments are occupied by singles, expats, NRIs, frequent travellers. Choose an area or rather a building that has the right mix of all classes of people, that has a bit of life, where people interact with each other, where there are some nosy neighbours .

- Thus coming to the 'Know your neighbours' rule. Bring out that long pointed Indian nose and form a tongue-waggers group .. You'll pretty soon know who is who in the society/ complex that you live in.

- Always insist on a having a photo of the person whom you employ for your household chores. Or casually, sneakily click one and store carefully. Be it dhobiwala, dudhwala, dabbawala, bai, watchman, garderner, car-washer. Generally we tend to be so ecastatic to have such services available that we overlook the verification factor. If possible, do enquire about your helpers' character and where they stay, with whom, etc.

- Sometimes, distance from workplace should not be the only concern. If the area gets lonely after certain hours, if it is not plugged into the public transport system, it can create more of a nuisance to you. It could mean coming home walking through a deserted place. You can avoid that and choose a locality even if a bit far but that is easily accessible.

- Work out an alarm system. Not the kind that wakes you up but one that would wake up a buddy, a relative in case you are in trouble. It could be a speed dial, it could be a special number dedicated only for emergency, it could be just a scream in a particular fashion that would alert the nighbours.

These are not exhaustive suggestions. These are just general guidelines that we often forget or are too lazy to follow. Feel free to comment but do not abuse!

How to remain fit during pregnancy?

Pregnancy is an exhilirating experience, no doubt about it.. especially if you have planned it. But it is also true that because of the new life growing in you, your body and mind undergo tremendous changes. It is really important during this period to pay attention to your health and fitness. Here are a few simple steps that you can follow.

Things You'll Need

An open mind, determination, time-table, well-balanced diet.

 

Steps

Go for regular walks. Just because you are pregnant does not mean that you neglect exercise. Mild forms of exercises, especially walking, is not only safe but even beneficial to your pregnancy. It keeps you active, refreshes your mind and stimulates your senses. A nice mild-paced walk, if possible with your partner, will go a long way in creating positive vibes in you that will ultimately reach the tiny life blossoming inside you.

Have a well-balanced diet. In most families, once the news of your pregnancy spreads, relatives come up with different advice and suggestions. Politely listen to all but follow only the healthy tips. Most of them advise to eat fat-ridden food to ensure that the baby is born healthy with good birth weight. But eating fatty food will cause more harm than good. Therefore a well-balanced diet with all the right nutrients is highly recommended.  In fact, studies have shown that high quantity of sugar, butter, ghee, oil consumed during pregnancy has had an adverse effect on the growing foetus. Ask your gynaec for more details.

Follow a time-table. Prepare a time-table of all the activities that you have for the day and stick to them on the time scheduled. It is highly helpful to set your body on a particular time-table specially concerning exercise and diet. During pregnancy, especially during the first few months you may have mild to severe nausea. During this period, which is considered crucial for the developing baby, it is important to stick to the schedule and not neglect anything even if it means that you have to throw up more often. The body will definitely retain what is required for the new life and thus help it grow healthy.

Stay active the whole day. Specially if you are a housewife. Ladies become highly indulgent during this period and make use of their pregnancy as an excuse to laze around the whole day. Remeber, this will not help your child. You need to stay alert physically and mentally throughout your pregnancy. Do fun activities like shopping, reading up on different stages of pregnancy, making clothes for the nez arrival (though in many orthodox families this is not allowed, if you are not the types, go ahead..its fun!), browse through all the different childcare products available online or in stores near you. You will be surprised at what all is available to make your life just a bit easier. For e.g. I discovered this wonderful handmill online that helps me mash babyfood without making use of any electric gadgets and that is very easy to clean and assemble.

Join up some yoga/ meditation classes for pregnant ladies. This will help you get into a positive mindframe which is very important to stay fit and healthy. Remember, fitness starts with the mind. A healthy mind will definitely result in a healthy body that will definitely result in a healthy baby.

 

Tips

Do not overexert in a bid to stay healthy. Listen to your body and read the fatigue signs. Do everything in moderation.

 

Caution

Above all, follow your gynaec's advice. He/ She knows you the best during this period.